These are the hardships I have faced through the past year...

1.) My mother having a stroke led to a brutal,and unnecessary court battle,which has left me scarred emotionally,not to mention the heart-ache I had when I found out.

How It Happened: I was called down to the office at the end of the day.And,considering I never do anything out of the ordinary IN school,I was completely oblivious to the fact that something bad had happened with my family.I entered the office happily,actually thinking I had done something good and was getting rewarded,when the receptionist looked at me and said,

"Your Stepfather has just called.He said you are to go to the office when you get home,to get a key.Then to wait for him there.Understood?"I said yes,still wondering why I had to go to the office when I got home,but I didn't worry about anything strange.The day ended,I went home on the bus,like usual.Luke comes up to me next to my seat and says,

"Why did you get called down to the office?"I answered,and he was just as confused as I was.I got off at the stop with twenty-four people,including Luke,and went to the office as directed.He followed me up to his building and went inside,as I got the key alone.I walked back to my building,up to my apartment,and went inside.No one was there,so I sat down with my dog and watched the big sreen.I waited for hours,talking to another friend on the phone,until it was five.I heard the lock click open and my stepdad come in. I asked him where mom was,and tears started falling,I had never seen him cry before.

"Your mother had a stroke.It was right after you left,about eight in the morning."Even I started crying hysterically,though I stopped and asked myself a question.Does mom like it when you cry?I answered no and stopped crying.I said bye to the person on the phone,and hung up.I spent the rest of my time talking to my dad,who arrived at seven to pick me up.I cried the rest of my night there.

2.) The actual court battle proved heartless as they spewed unkind things at eachother,trying to win the judge over.

How it happened: My mother was finally home from rehab,after a few weeks,and they told me about a paper,and how dad was trying to take me away.I,obviously,didn't want to go with him.She showed me a two page long report on how horrible my mother was.How bad of a job she was doing.How bad of a child I was.And how they could 'make me better'.Those pieces of paper proved to be the most hurtful thing in my entire life,worse than getting made fun of,moving to other cities almost every year,and the divorce put together(I'll put the divorce into a different blog entry).They said flase statements like,'Her mother drugs her illegally with Benadril' and 'She has been living with Phil Johnson for a few years.He has three sons.We are not positive,but have heard things that state she was having sex with them' and 'Her mother lies to her every chance she gets' and 'Her mother is physically,and emotionally abusive' and 'Non-stop phonecalls when her father has her'.So untrue....I all but burned the paper when I finished reading.These harsh words are still being said about me today.

3.)My father successfully removing me from Salem.And my life and friends.

How It Happened: He showed up on his day,my mother crying and screaming for him not to take me away,and said to me,

"Get in."I kind of had to.That night I left beind all of my friends,and my heart.

4.)Massive panic-attacks shake the house by night.

How they happen: For some weird reason,some nights I think about my mother more than others.Then I think about that horrible hospital Holy Family.I think about having my mother being in the same room,the same bed,that my grandfather had died in.I get worried at the thought and start freaking out.Pretty soon I'm bawling my eyes out in my bed,my face in my pillow,wailing up to the heavens for Grampy to hear.Waiting for him to whisk me away to heaven.I want to die at those moments.My father and stepmother(stepmonster) try to calm me,but this pain I feel won't be gone with just hugs and sweet words.I need a professional.I haven't got one yet,but the court assigned me one.I have to go sooner or later,right?I still have these today.The worst one I had was 20/12/08.The night I'm writing this entry.I was crying out as loud as I could,

"Why?!Why did you do this to me?!"My father asked me about hundreds of times what was wrong,and I answered,my voice strangled by my crying,and my breathing suffering severe consequences."My mom!I need my mom!I miss her so badly!"I cried more.Stepmonster,stupid b****,left and went downstairs.I was left with my dad,sobbing uncontrollably,only to find my grandfather's siler cross,which is tarnishing slowly,and pressed it to my heart.I instantly calmed down.